The Heavens

I got a little confused. Let me re-set the stage here...








































Ah... here we are.
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Sometimes, I'm disturbed. Other times I'm confused. And sometimes I'm both disturbed and confused, as the painting below illustrates. And now I'm going to bed.

"Its intensity penetrated everything and entered the earth. The earth was the heavens and the heavens the earth. And everything was alive and bursting with color, and color was God..." -J. Krishnamurti

So I went to a little prayer group yesterday, and my friend spoke in tongues. I don't cook that for dinner, but I like to eat it. She was fantastic! Top of my head felt so buzzy and I was floating along wherever. Saw the curtain part. And it's The Lady! Black Madonna so rigid and epic with a sparkling MyGod-in-Holy-Heaven kind of crown, illuminated by the dazzling sun behind her on full blast. Right on!!! I haven't been sleeping too much. I get really excited and then stare off into space. ... shit- here comes the Sun. "There's no more time!" No doubt, homes- you're tellin' me!

Mary and Jesus

A voice cries out in the wilderness,
(sing little bird for the rising Son)
"One shall come."

And when He spoke He said,
"IGNITE.
If you are lukewarm I will spit you out."

"Fuck the luck. Strictly aim- no aspirations to quit the game.

Spit your game, talk your shit, grab your cat, call your click, squeeze your clip, hit the right one.
Our situation is a tight one.
What you gonna do: ride or run?"
(NOTORIOUS B.I.G.)

You can't take it there. But I'm already here and it's in my hand. Friend calls and says, How is? Just fine- though i feel like I woke up on the wrong side of hell. Oh jeez well just don't start painting. Funny you should mention that.

He descended into hell... Estimates vary between 4 and 9 million executed at the stake. The Church of Rome remains silent on its policy of burning women alive. And Mary wept, asking, "Why would you say these things, Peter? Do you think I made them up?" Her name means tower, some that she is red-haired. Joanni, Joanni, you're a Christian God. The HEART OF LOVE BURNS.
Have you ever been so aflame you could rip apart the sky?
But rather than do that, you chose to die?

Richie didn't come yet to install the wall mounts, so I am painting on the floor as I usually do. And as usual I went to the storage room to grab a roll of old canvas as a drop clothe. What should I unroll but this!
I forgot this even existed. I put the stained glass heart Karen gave me on top of hers. As a sort of thanks.

Roses for Mary

It's gettin' nigh time to jump into the world of Mary Magdalene and Jesus. My room's all set-up! Got my clothes clean and put away, so it looks like a studio again. Tomorrow my pals come over for a welcome back potluck. I'm so excited! It's a party for me! And Monday we put up the permanent mounts on the painting wall! Got my 3 x 4 foot canvas for the Mary and Jesus painting so physically we're good to go! I hope my mind arrives soon- that'd be great. Or not! Who knows! I don't know how this boat's gonna float. This upcoming painting means so much to me and I just don't know what I'm gonna do yet. Not that that's a bad thing. Sometimes I get out onto the high dive and panic, "Ack! What am I doing out here?!" And I yell, "Hey!!! Is there water in the pool?! Jesus it's foggy around here." murmur. murmur. "'Scuse me! THE POOL! I'd like to confirm that there is WATER in the POOL! I can't SEEE it!" Silence. Hear a duck skim across water. "ah Christ." Hold my nose. "Well, here's to hoping. GERONIMO!!!!!"
I wrote out my personal Rose Symbolism. For your enjoyment!:
Rose is the Heart of Love. Different colors show the gleam of a heart characteristic.
Red rose is the bleeding heart of sacrifice, the dagger, Mary Magadalen, passion of all flavors, the blood of Christ. From the dark soil rises the blooded phenomenal beauty. Endures death of false hearts.
Yellow rose is joy of life, the refreshment and vivacity of springtime, the bursting forth of earth in her “Let’s DO THIS!” splendor. Oh kind rose gifting her exuberant smile.
Pink is gentle like sister leaving a note for you on a tin of cookies, sweet like a love just met who would like to know if you want to go swimming this afternoon?
Orange is duende of the original dance. Setting sun aflame- Que rica, mi regalona, let joy be unconfined! Bird of Paradise shows his tail feathers. Dance, Handsome!
The Golden Rose is the Godhead, parting to see through incomprehensible depths, the wordless glory of space and time wrapped inside a flower that knows outside of this. You don’t understand? Then look on rose of gold, fairest to behold. It is not like earth’s gold, not solid like our metal, but blooming, and pulsing, ineffable, omnipotent, soft, fleshy, gentle, generous. Shining forever.
White rose is the purified, losing all colors to be colored by the realms of God- the blank and yet the needing nothing to create beauty, it being complete in its simple shine. “There is no dirt on this rose” Nor yellow or brown, no tinge of one thing or another. This rose is white. Which color will shine in the night?
A purple rose weeps for what was, mourns for what is, is soft knowing what comes. Not weak, but brave. Purple rose falls all around the Garden of Gethsemane whispering, “I know, I know, I know…”
Black rose knows the secrets of perfumery. Watch out, she is a witch, black rose. But who knows, really, what kind of witch she might be.
Blue Rose lives in Heaven and knows the Sky. Gentle with prayers, she can hold them.

Pancakes

So I was, funnily enough, feeling especially grateful tonight. Steve was going to come over for a date, and as I was in the shower I was recollecting the day I took a temporary vow to pancakes. It was just about six years ago- my last semester of college. One evening I was feeling all kinds of bummer wishing for a better life inside myself. That particular June evening I left the house to try and leave my thoughts too- went for a run in the rain just before midnight. I came back home feeling the same, but more tired and with mud on me. Made myself a batch of pancakes. Ate 'em. Oh delicious pancakes. I made another batch. Ate 'em. And I said to myself, "These pancakes are the best thing I've got going. I am just going to eat pancakes until I find something better in life." And I'ma tell you what... I ate a lot of pancakes!

from Beaufort, SC to Stafford, CT

I'm back in Stafford Springs! I came home last night to a smiling Steve and bright flowers in my room! From Steve to me to you- here they are in front of the window in front of the snow:Would you like to see a few pics from this past week? It started out with Dad, Susan, and Kaitlyn coming to visit Beaufort last weekend. Here's a few of us after brunch...
This Saturday Katie and kiddos and Heather and I went to the beach! I felt the same way as James about the afternoon...
Sunday morning Mom had a goodbye brunch for me! Here we are in the afternoon on the porch. There's Mom there holding Nana's hand, my sister Katie with her daughter Aly next to the screen, Heather in the blue shirt, James to the right, Roger C looking at me/ the camera, and Michael in the right hand corner. Auggie doggie is in there too! My parents got him when I was in college and he's a good buddy of mine.
My friend Pat was there too!
Later on Sunday it was serious clean-up time, so Heather and I went to the Beaufort County dump! It's hard not to laugh when you're at the dump.
I was telling Heather not to even think about jumping into the trash compactor to scrounge up some stuff when she took this picture. And then I said, "Did you get the pants? I want to tell a story about Steve and these pants." The attendant there in her bright orange vest laughed outloud as she was sweeping and said, "Ye can't think of a better story 'n that?"
We got home quickly and cleaned ourselves up for a goodbye dinner on the porch at the Dennisons. Katie made shrimp and grits and key lime pie for dessert. Our salad was composed of Chris's delicious organic butter lettuce that he has to grow in the garage on account of the squirrels creative eating style. Organic Garage Lettuce! I kinda wished I had a giant stomach so I could eat it all night long it was so good. Here's Katie before she served dinner-
While we were eating, Kate and Chris said, "Got an idea for you, Shan. How about paintings for children?" To which I said, "Oh my gosh totally!" Later we said our goodbyes...
Had a giggle at Michael's pajama outfit...Then Heather and I drove to Aunt Sue's house in Virginia on Monday. I didn't take a picture yesterday, but here's a picture of Aunt Sue with my Dad, Pop-Pop, Uncle Jim, Uncle Larry, and Mollie from this summer-
On Tuesday from Aunt Sue's house outside of DC, Heather and I then drove to Brooklyn, where she lives. And then for the first time in my life I drove over the Brooklyn Bridge and through Manhattan! Holy nuggets, Batman! That was a thrill. Here's how it looked driving in Connecticut-
And what great wonder should I see this morning but the fantastic STEVEEEEEE!!!!!!!
What time is it, oh dudes and dudettes? It's GAME TIME! hu!

Marsh Painting

Complete!
Michael asked, "Is dis our painting, Aunt Shani?" It sure is! So you gotta sign your work, you know...


The sun came out today! Heather has flown down to visit, and this afternoon we went downtown to see Katie and the boys, then sit on the swinging benches and soak up a little sunshine.

When we got this going again tonight James said, "We need a sun right there, huh, Aunt Shani? A sun!" The bubbas painted that in together. I'm not too sure about it, but James told us, "That sun looks so good!" and sparkly smiled when he saw what he'd made. That's kinda priceless right there. Michael told his brother, "James, we real artists. We painting a painting!"

I told Steve I don't feel grateful. That I know that's not wise, but though I try and make the good feelings come they don't. He said, "We're not in a bliss state. We live in a pained world and people are in pain, and that's just what it is." I do feel that this difficult time- I keep seeing people's difficulties- is bringing us to a center of kindness. I'm not saying I'm getting more kind, but I see that there's a potential there. When we're all in the same boat and we can feel that. Incidentally, Michael wants a boat in there."Anything you want? You got it!"
That's what the sky sings to the earth!
Anything you need? You got it! Anything at all!
No one can do the things you do!

Part of the rent agreement for the home I'm in this winter is that I create a painting for the family who owns it. They asked if it could be a Beaufort landscape, perhaps with a boat. James and Michael helped me get the sky started today. Prior to that we painted the canvas together for the fun of it to try out different colors. So, here's how it's developed so far:

It's All Right

You ever get to feeling a little down?
I know I do. Even when the most wonderful things are right under my nose!
Sometimes I have to be reminded that just looking at the world in my own way is fun...
And it's good to know that even when it feels like I'm walking alone, something lovely comes along with me...
It's natural to feel kind of small, and wonder about the big stuff
But big things like love too!
And they make the best bridges!
...So what am I up to?
Creating a 2010 calendar! Here's the first page sketch.
Last night I told my family I was a little nervous about this year. I want to do an art show! I want to make a calendar! Maybe I should choose one. Katie said, "I think you should do both." Even if I'm a little scared? "Sure!" Cause....
What do you think, Aly?
So true.